you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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