When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
