God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Boobs are out for the taking
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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