I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
