There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
