We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
