I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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