All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
