Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had sex on a roof
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
