I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
