Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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