I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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