I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
