Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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