my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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