he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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