Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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