My friends, they love my intelligence
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
