i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
