I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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