i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
