Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize