I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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