Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
