Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize