im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he thought i was a dude.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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