They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
