I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There are leaves in my underwear?
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