You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize