She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
