I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
