Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
