i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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