she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We got so high we made milksteak
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize