how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
