I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
