lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize