hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
