The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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