Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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