i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
