Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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