Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
