so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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