so explain again why im purple
no
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
