I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
