I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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