also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize