Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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