Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
