Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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