you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize