your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
FUCK WHALES
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
