Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.

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(989): View more from Michigan

is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?

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(407): View more from Florida

This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.

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(703): View more from Virginia

See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...

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(510): View more from California

It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.

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