he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
