My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
