I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
