Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
