My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
did i just pee glitter
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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