help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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