There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
