Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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