i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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