Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize