Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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