OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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