dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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