Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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