wrigley field is MILF paradise
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
