i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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