what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He felt like a one man threesome
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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